The f in difference...

Ok, so it turns out I am more than capable of embarrassing myself in a range of languages. We´ve had French, Welsh and (of course) English and now, it seems I have expanded my repertoire from ´cul´ ´eirin gwlanog´ and incidents in English which are too numerous to list, to the Spanish language.

Who´d have thought that the Spanish word cansada (tired) would be one n up from casada (married)? So yesterday, when someone asked me how I was, I told them I was married because I couldn´t get to bed. (!)

Not as good as earlier in the week when I confessed to being pregnant. I couldn´t understand why people were fussing around me until someone explained that I was trying to say ´embarrassed´. Again, I´d managed to drop a letter here or there.

Never a dull moment, hey?

Apparently it is also not adviseable to say ´look, he inserts his beak into the flower´ in Spanish when one is in polite company, even if there is a humming bird in front of you, which is clearly demonstrating specified action. Apparently the words inserting / beak / flower should not be strung together in a sentence. Can´t think why.

So, while I am out here entertaining some of Panama and two Americans I hope you are all minding your ps and qs....

This morning, in the rainforest (and EVERYWHERE else) it was raining, you know the kind of drop that -if it doesn´t get you on the way down - will get you on its forceful rebound off the pavement? I was supposed to be going for a walk with Tilcia but it was too wet so she had a lie in and I sat on the patio.

I have, seriously, fallen in love.
With hummingbirds.

There is one which feeds in Tilcia´s garden, it has a little routine:
1. Disappear for 20 minutes.
2. Sit somewhere safe, eyeing up the flower of your choice.
3. Do a fly by which is almost invisible to the naked eye (just looks like an insect type blur).
4. Approach flower.
5. Hover, feed.
6. Sit, digest.

And I got to watch it the whole time it rained. Beautiful.
After a bit of practice I managed to get a couple of pictures (no software on computer to enable zooming).

Feeding

Digesting.

I was actually wondering about the calorific value of nectar. I mean, there is a lot of flapping activity per large slurp. I was thinking of writing to the National Hummingbird Society (NHS?) to suggest they stop flapping while they eat, but you know what these large organisations are like...word rarely gets down to the little man.

There were other lovely birds in the garden but I couldn´t draw my eyes (or lens) away.

In a shocking discovery (!) there are parrots in the garden but I couldn´t tell because they are brown. Go figure, as my fellow students would say. They just look like big, scruffy thrush.I could barely tell the difference.

A word in which there is, dear reader, more than one f.

So...we´re in the rainforest and its raining...

My good friend Good Heavens (its on his birth certificate, but like the child of David Bowie, Good Heavens prefers the monika ´Michael´). Anyway, before I came away Good Heavens came up with a blinder...he presented me with a booklet of BLANK postcards. ´Not much bloody use´ I hear you cry, but listen..they are a rather clever invention. You travel around sketching scenes which are either beautiful or of interest and then post them to people you know. Being drawdicapped I am afraid that I may give people nightmares if I post my semi decapitated pictures of people and animals so I have come up with a cunning plan.

Get other people to do it for me!

So, I have started to distribute the postcards to people who appear slightly artistic (though when I asked Regula, the Speech And Language Therapist she thought I asked if she was autistic and we had a short period of bizarre conversation).

So, this is the first artistic gift to the world, prepared by Chico and donated by Regula (sorry you´ll have to look at it sideways until I figure out what ´rotate´ is in Espanol.)

And I shall be sending it to my mother.

School is going well. It´s bloody hard work and yesterday my teacher, Abelardo, gave me a right telling off because I didn´t know my present/past conjugasions (imagine being my teacher - nightmare). Today was better, I actually got it.

This morning I went on a little walking tour in the rainforest. It was beautiful and lived up to its reputation (hence title quote - thanks Regula).

We walked through the rainforest and got to the cloud forest - so called because the trees transpire and the result is a cloud like effect above the canopy. The cloud effect in the top left of this picture is not created by the trees but by the fact that I left my camera in the boot over winter and there was a leak and it got frostbite, its never been the same.

If you look carefully in the right of this picture you will see a ruined castle. It has a story - a Panamanian man met and fell in love with a beautiful woman. In tribute to her he build a castle on the edge of the rainforest but died before he could complete it. The woman was overcome with sadness and refused to allow the castle to be finished.

Moral of the story: If you fall in love with a beautiful woman don´t give yourself a heart attack building something. She won´t want to live there, it´ll be a waste of time and you´ll be too dead to enjoy it, you fool.

The cloud forest is truly beautiful.The ilanas (?) hang from the trees and yes - you can actually swing from them...honest, we tried.

See the cheese plant growing around the stem of the tree?  My mother´s got one just like it.

Welsh woman models waterfall. 

The trees are just beautiful. This one is from the oak family, it about 500 years old and has a base diameter of about 30m.

In the background is a rock formation (I know, such a nerd), formed by volcanic rock falling into a lake. Its the same as the giants causeway, dontcha know...´cept it horizontal. well, I am at the other side of the world.
 
Oh and I lied about the short tailed hawk yesterday, it was a turkey vulture. I apologise if i have disappointed you.

Twitching. SALT. Pants.

Yesterday I had the loveliest experience. When Tilicia, (house mother) was showing me around the garden she got all excited and started pointing out something which was hanging around the flowers. Hanging around is actually a very bad description, it borders on ´loitering with intent´, which is never a positive visual. However, what I saw was definitely hanging. It was a humming bird.

Then we went around to the front of the house and there - to my delectation and delight - was another one. the first was a tiny little thing, masuring about 4-5cms long. It was mostly brown with a white band across its back. The second one was 10-12 cms in length and looked more like this:

I can´t adequately explain how precise they are, how their wings move so fast they become a blur, how tiny and perfectly dainty the humming bird is. It´s entrancing. Apparently they come to the garden every day, so I am going to look out for them. If I get to week three and i´m saying, ´Another hummingbird? Whatever´ because I have seen so many, you are welcome to send me a virtual slap. (For those of you who would like to send me a virtual slap just for being a pain in the posterior that is not allowed.)

Today I went on a walk to see the view from above Boquete. Here is a description in five words:
Rain. Sun. Hill. Lush. View.

Saw another bird, this time of prey. In fact there were loads of them riding the currents above the hill. they looked like this:

My tinternet research tells me its a short tailed hawk. Although I nicked both pictures off the web so I don´t know exactly what I saw. I´m camera lazy.

In other news (never one to disappoint my fashion conscious fans ;-) ),

Anatomie Susan Skinny trousers. Seriously, you know when something is just so good you get excited everytime you use it...? These are it. I call them ´pants´ coz they are from the States, not because I wear them under my pink velour Primark trackies.  
Also in other news. Today I met a woman who works in a school and is a Speech and Language Therapist. I´ve brought Charlie Bradburn on holiday!  For those lucky souls who don´t have to work with me, I have just employed a marvellous woman to deliver SALT in school. Having spent a year getting one its nice to find one wandering the hills abroad.

Los Americanos.

Went to the market this morning. Its the local market, made up of itinerant store holders who make their own wares and flog em.

Spoke to:
- a woman who makes her own clothes - American
- a man who makes his own bowls - American
- a couple who make their own wine from tomatoes and oranges (all too acidic-eugh) - American
- a woman who makes her own jewellery - Panamanian but lived in America for years

Panama (or Boquete at least) is to the Americans what the Dordogne is to the British. Somewhere warm to settle where you can hang out with other English speaking people and if you really can´t be bothered you don´t have to hable la lingua.

No me gusta!

Its not that I have anything against Americans, you understand, no. Its that I have something against everyone from the English speaking world. I don´t want to meet them. I quite like the struggle of being dropped in the deep end and having to cope lingustically. I like having to learn, it makes it more fun somehow. If something is easy it just aint as satisfying.

There - rant over.

In other news the Royal baby is apparently here but the Royle (ie my family) baby isn´t and is due TODAY. So thinking of you Sophie, with your bump. ´

More excitingly I saw something amazing in the garden today but the American rant took over so I´ll be writing about that tomorrow.

Mucho Gusta!

I LOVE THIS LEARNING MALARKY!

Seriously, after the rest of my journey being pretty uneventful (post Home Alone post....geddit??) I have settled in and had my first lesson.

First of all, what is this country like...?

Well, not as rural as I supposed. I wasn´t surprised to see the large Macdonalds, or even the HSBC but my heart dropped a teeny bit when I saw the TGI Fridays. Yes, really. People seem fairly affluent here (in a contextual sense). I think (seriously) that any country which has garden centres and puts flowers on verges and roundabouts is quite well to do, because if you´re stuck in poverty you just don´t bother - do you? Roads are good and the infrastructure seems secure. People are friendly and, in Boquete, seem a bit shy when you say hello but they smile and say it back.

I suppose I could illustrate how polite people are with the 4am stop by the police during my bus journey. Bus stops, police officer (immigration) gets on and turns all the lights on. He asks to see everyone´s id. They get it out (no grumbling). He goes down the bus, and before getting off there´s a strange exchange which consists of him thanking everyone and them thanking him. He thanks then again, they thank him, he says´de nada´(its nothing) and thanks again. ´De nada´ reply the people. Has anyone seen the Father Ted episode where Mrs Doyle and her friend get arrested because they are both trying to pay for the tea and they end up fighting in the teashop´? It was like that.

Cultural reference: whilst I´m typing Daft Punk´s Get Lucky is playing.

So, arrived fine and got a taxi to my host family. Oh my goodness, they are SO NICE. Properly kind and lovely. The lady of the house, who I think is called  Talicia, really took time to talk to me and understand my really, really bad Spanish. I forgot how difficult it is to start a new language and how easy it is to feel disuaded in learning it (there´s only so many blank looks I can manage in on ten minute discussion - and before you say it Michael Evans .. yes, you´d think I´d be used to it by now ;-) ). I also met hubby and son who are equally nice but less talkative. The room is clean and private, I have my own bathroom and the house is a good size.

I had a couple of hours sleep this am before going to school, then I got learning. I just LOVE it! I love learning and trying to get all the pieces of Spanish to fit together in my head so that I understand it. There are two other people in my class (the second most basic), there was a twelve year old boy but they moved him up to the next class because he was just too damn good and we were holding him back.

The teacher; Abelardo; is very good, doesn´t speak English and can´t say my name. ´See-an, Shan, San, Sy-an and Show-an´ have all been options today. Hilarious. He thinks it really funny that I keep throwing French word s into the conversation and when I get anything wrong I counteract it with ´merde´ (no idea why). After the 12th repetition of the word he asked, ´Do you actually know what you are saying?´

Hmmmm #bringingcluelesstothenextlevel

Anyway, safe, happy and having a good time concisely describes me at this moment but boy, I´m going to sleep tonight!

Hasta Lluego.

A man, a plan, a canal - Panama*

Arrived earlier in Atlanta airport and managed to bag myself a 'Home Alone' moment, you know the one..when that annoying kid realises no one is home and he clutches his face and runs round screaming whilst the camera pans towards his miserable mug in quick spurts. That was me.

Thing is, when I got here I looked on the departures board (adviseable) and discovered to my actual horror that there is a place in Florida called Panama City. OMG. Glanced at my ticket  and boarding card to find written 'Panama City' with no mention of country. Gulp.

Realistically it would only be a small thing - what with me being on the right side of the Atlantic and all - but I didn't want to go to the wrong place. The departures board wasn't acting in a helpful manner (ie my flight not listed) so I approached the Delta desk.

The queue was huge but being British I clung to the familiarity of a good old wait in line whilst the chunky chap at the desk did a lot of smiling and talking. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Eventually I reached the front.

'Hello' I garbled. 'I want to ask you a question but I am quite embarrassed because it sounds daft.'

Embracing his most professional demeanour Chunky Chap regarded me benevolently and said.  'There ain't nothing much I aint heard so y'all can just go ahead and ask, ma'm.'

Cute. He actually chose those words.

Me..'Erm, well, here's my ticket, could you tell me where I am flying to please?'

Judging by his reaction this question falls into the category of stuff 'I aint heard'. Looks at ticket. Maintains straight face. 'Panama City, Ma'm.'

Me...'and where is that?'

He...'In Panama, ma'm.'

Me...'Oh, phew! Thank you very much!'

So there, I was just panicing over nothing, am not as much of a numpty as I think I am (evidently). Anyway, just had a beer so am feeling in holiday mode. Its 4pm here, so I think that makes it 10-11pm at home. Next step Panama City, PANAMA.

* From my new book: Well-loved palindromes of the world...