So, I'd booked us a four day, three night camping and canoeing 'experience' in Algonquin National Park with a company called Wild Adventures. Felt like having an adventure, wasn't feeling particularly wild. Arrived at Rock Lake meeting point 9 to meet our guide Tim (a 78 year old man trapped in the body of a 29 yr old - sorry Tim). Met the rest of the group we'd be with.
A lady who I called Carrie and her lovely family, partner Jay and two girls aged 14 and 11.
German Leanne, ethereal and delicate 'I've lived in Montreal for 35 years' and 'friend' (we weren't sure) Heinz, who lives in Berlin and speaks no English.
After packing up our stuff and a great sandwich lunch, we set off in four canoes: Tim with the two girls; Carrie and Jay; Leanne and Heinz and me n NN1.
To start with Tim gave us a couple of rudimentary lessons. Some necessary strokes and a message to have 'loose hips' to maintain balance.
I sat in back and steered, NN1 went up front. 'C' Mon,' said NN1, ' We can't let the Germans beat us.' Happy to report that Xenophobia is not a preserve of the elderly. And so we paddled.
I have done this before. Once in Killarney National Park, Ontario. I accidentally booked a 7 day canoe trip. I was expecting a small, enclosed one person boat which we called a canoe in the UK. No luck, here they have always been called kayaks while a canoe is a larger, open affair, designed for calm water. Seven unexpected days in a heavy boat with a single sided paddle necessitates a level of proficiency. Its like riding a bicycle, you never forget.
We paddled on. It was calm, it was green, it was fun. The family were chatty, Heinz was quiet, Leanne similarly so. We pottered along. Suddenly a very large SPLASH was heard, followed by a clear, loud and distinctly not ethereal female voice screaming, 'SCHEISSE, SCHEISSE'. We turned. Heinz and Leanne had capsized. Apparently he had turned, lent on the side and the boat had overturned. Appart from the doggedly determined repetition of the German word for SHIT everyone remained extremely calm. The now swimming two were towed to land. The canoe and bags were rescued. Paddles were found. A passing pair of paddlers emptied the canoe of water. Tim stuck the cameras and phones in bags of rice. It was a pretty quiet and orderly rescue.
In the post accident paddling NN1 whispers in hushed but smug tone:
Forgot their loose hips, didn't they?
The next bit was to reach a place where we had to carry the canoes aka 'portage'. Nephew of Smiffy says: 'don't carry the canoe on your head as the mozzies will congregate inside the canoe too. Bit like having wasps inside a diving helmet.' Sadly we had no choice. NN1 got his first mosquito bite. 'Did you know, ' he asks me, 'that only female mosquitos bite?' I didn't. 'That mosquito that bit me was about the size of my toe nail.'
'Interesting fact' I intone, trying to feign interest whilst pacifying teenager who looks like he's contemplating amputation of own arm as an antidote to bite. 'Yes, he continues,' and brown eyed people have the best eyesight. They're less irritated by sun, I think that's why I'm always squinting. '
I hmmm a bit and we carry on. We reach Penn Lake and camp for the night. The moon over the lake is beautiful.
Later that night we lie in the tent. 'Write a simile on the blog for how I smacked that mosquito and there was blood everywhere.' He insists. The mosquito splattered like a pot of red paint dropped from a ladder.
'Remind me,' he demands, 'what everyone is called.' We go through the names and assign each a memory link. 'what's the mum called?' he asks. I explain Carrie. 'Sounds like Curry.' He decides.' In a Yorkshire accent. I'll think Curry. '
Early morning paddle to see the moose. The plural of which I am disappointed to discover is not meese or mose but moose. We saw no moose.
Heinz and Leanne paddle. We notice in the first twenty four hours that barely a word has passed between them since the accident. Her phone battery is 'kaput', his expensive bifocals and new camera are now, 'on the water ground'. We all feel sorry for Heinz. He turns out to be an absolute star. Tries hard to speak English, joins in games in the evenings, makes friends with everyone and finds it hilarious when NN1 decides to expand his vocabulary with the word 'SCHEISSE' when losing a game.
The next day we paddle and portage again. Portaging is a pain, especially with children and I'm surprised that we are portaging daily. However, the kids are brilliant and cart more than their fair share around.
Relaxing in the hammock afterwards.
For those wondering about toileting facilities these come in the form of a wooden box, with a hole dug beneath. Termed a 'thunderbox' because of the noise it makes when you wee in it these are rudimentary, at best.
They are situated near to camp - sometimes too near and the rule about taking the toilet paper bag with you is sound advice as it means you can go without being disturbed. Here is a thunder box. In its natural habitat.
Lid lifted.
This one has a bespoke design.
Chillin in camp.
I forgot to mention.. Heinz and Leanne had all the loo roll on their boat. This became sodden when they capsized and we had to dry it out. Jay demonstrates the cardboard properties of 34 ply.
On the second night we stay at Clydegale. There is a visitor's book hidden under a stone and wrapped in plastic bags. The children sign it. This is the best camp site, though it's far.
Canoes at rest.
Tim and Curry cooking in the kitchen.
A CHIPMUNK! Oh my goodness, I love these cutesy little blighters. They hang round camp. 'Look' I shout at NN1 'LOOK! A chipmunk.' He gives me a withering look, 'I've already seen the movie.' He tells me.
Lovely girls in the hammock. NN1 tells them that everyone in England says 'Pip, pip', that all boys are named after their fathers (he claims he's number 4 in line) and that all British people eat crumpets with marmite, daily.
In the second camp Tim tells NN1 'I climbed that tree earlier'. Being 29/78 years old he probably should have thought before he said that to a 16 year old who likes to climb. We all look away for five seconds. I wonder where NN1 is. 5 metres off the ground by this point. Tim is nervous/ surprised. I am impressed/ unimpressed. We make him get down.
Cooking pizza pockets on the camp stove. There is a fire ban here as its too hot and dry at the moment. (recurrent world theme).
Later, Jay teaches NN1 how to fish. He catches a rock.
The girls and I swim and search for frogs.
We take photos of Heinz, so he has some momentos.
Frog!
The next day we head back to Penn Lake.
Set up the kitchen.
Have a siesta.
The panoramic view of camp.
We go swimming and NN1 catches a leech. We wonder if the leg needs amputating, along with the arm. Someone has left a rubber dinghy behind, so Tim fixes oars to it and the kids paddle in circles. We enjoy the swim and play around. The it's time to dry and dress for dinner.
Swinging in the hammock.
It starts to thunder and rain. Tim cooks on, no mean feat.
The next morning we are awoken at 4.30 by the damn red squirrels who put themselves at further risk of extinction by chattering really loudly, just above the tent.
A red squirrel somewhere here.
I see loons (the national bird) on the lake. We paddle back towards Penn Lake, portage, swim in a waterfall, eat our final meal and dream of a hot shower.
We have:
Paddled, swam, made new friends, eaten fajitas, oatmeal, pancakes, brownies, been bitten, tried to use a thunderbox (I really failed), seen the wilderness, spotted a beaver, seen two moose at a distance, heard squirrels, almost touched a chipmunk, laughed, sworn in German, slept quite well, carried all our own stuff, learnt about other nationalities, played farkel, been cliff jumping (him, not me, my heart was in my mouth) and learnt about poutine.
We swap emails. Curry writes her name down. 'Hey!' I whisper to NN1, 'her name is actually Kerri.'
We get back in the car. 'Did you enjoy it?' I ask him. 'Yes.' he says, 'I really did. Except for the lack of washing facilities and shitting in a hole at 1am whilst on the look out for bears.'
Why did I write this whole blog? He's summed it up in one line.
